To think of what i have done especially what i have been highly interested in and even what i have pretended to be like so far, i do feel the best satisfaction in doing something when I keep myself busy. it doesn't mean i like distracted environment. Different from other people, I feel bad when I do something relaxing. I don't know why. But it doesn't mean I always put my aim forehead and try to catch it up. I never feel satisfied after doing something unimportant, I do all over again though. I'm not sure if it's the most suitable example or even just suitable example. putting one example just comes up with my mind now, once a week probably sundays i make my table and bed and wash my laundry but other days i use my full power to screw it up. I think i'm going too far.
One thing which i need to keep in mind is i've done the best achievement whenever i feel busy. That's all. But Why is it so damn difficult to be busy in NYC.
I have the answer unfortunately, it's my bad.
Usually I hear some thoughts and opinions on me. mostly it is good to hear that while some are annoying. actually it is not annoying thing. but i regard those as the thoughts from who doesn't know me well. that's is a mistake. one of the annoying opinions is that I'm not good at controling my anger and get upset easily. not easy to accept but true.
when i think of my behaviors which is visible to anyone or do represent my anger what i should've controlled around some stories around me, even not directly effective to me.
I've easily resented than anyone else. there is a bunch of what i've done so far that i remember now. it would be countless.and i think i raise more anger while i'm talking about it even while compromising it.
i remember two of them clearly. but these weren't even effective to me in any reason.
I have a group of guys that have got along with each others since our freshmen year.
there was a conflict among us when we just had finished our military duties, and it came from one guy got along with another dudes and stay away from us and let us hear some gossips of our group that he let it leak. any of those gossips weren't including me. it was aimed at one another guy. He told me the whole stories and i got upset like even more than him. of course there was a misunderstanding between us. they solved the problems and compromised each other, but I couldn't cause i got upset and it needed long enough time to be normal. Now it's ok with the happenings. but there had been a cold period between me and the group with no reason while the group have get along with the victim of gossips.
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