Poison within me

after a bit of time passed by, memories got covered with dusts

while poison is growing up within me.

desires for being free gets worse than ever, now I'm almost dead.

a thing i believed but i couldn't see

the thing used to lead me for sure cause i felt it.

i remember the beginning.

by removing all the thing that makes me rotten

i would catch up the what I've lost. 

long journey so far

when i said the belief was all i had with clenched my fist,

i used to scorn everything stuck in past because of fear.

reversely, they scared me

that i would be like them some day reluctantly, so face the reality in a practical way.

they said they feel comfortable to be seated, they actually loved to run though.

just like this, they always lie to me even to themselves.

the decayed mind because of reliefs like cigarettes

 what behind the saying "being matured" is self-hypnotism

it doesn't represent you are getting wiser.

just stuck in there like leashed dogs.

it is the only thing they have learned and other's thoughts on you are the scariest thing for them, so I just said beat it cause I'm so sick of those.

wherever my belief lead me to would be my home that makes me completed.

opportunities would come to me rather than you who is just shitty skin.

willingly let you scorn me.

i would let you hide your bads by pretending to worry about me.

you whose thoughts are full of wishes of not being hurt stay and say it is common sense.

though we live in the world that seized with fear could be an medication,

I willingly give the best respect to people who are suffered from scars which are supposed to be on you and pray for someone who won it.

I used to be stuck in the big hole that I'd made

pretending to be like living with no concerns.

self-disgusts mixed up with arrogance 

these were why i didn't look at myself in a mirror.

lack of passion,

the behaviors that i hated the most than anyone else,

I felt dying when it became my job.

i couldn't feel anything and i saw myself twisted, but I couldn't kill myself.

the time that i just felt nothing when i have to throw all the stuff away, i tried to look for something makes me relieve like crazy.

I had nothing to do with peace.

i was aggressive to hide my fears and talked about self-esteem with loud voices.

I was at a loss what I could do.

when I didn't know anyone in my side,

I didn't believe in god and even fucked-up me.

I was still hanging around with no purpose.

the freaking flu that soaked into my consciousness.

gloomy mornings with no idea of how much i slept for.

youth that has been spoiled by pressures and worries, bubbles, traps, coming temptations instead of opportunities.

standing straight up in front of those things, 

I will do all over again and catch up what I've lost.